pig skin with tattoo
Food Frakker

Pig Skins at Home

pile of raw pig skins

There I was at the Fiesta Mexican food market, standing at the meat counter and I thought, “There’s really nothing keeping me from buying a pound of pig skin.”

The pig skin was cut into perfect pink squares. There was some dimpling, apparently from someone having hit it with a tenderizing hammer at some point. When looked at closely, you could see that the pig skins had tiny blonde hairs sticking out of the pores that glistened in the light. Some of the squares of skin actually had purple tattoos on them.
pig skin with tattoo
When I noticed that, the thought crossed my mind, “There’s no way to tell the difference between this pig skin and the skin of some white guy. A white guy with some very bad tattoos.”

But that didn’t stop me from eating the skin.

I started by slicing the skin into chicharron-sized strips. It was surprisingly hard to slice through the skin with the butcher knife. If I’m ever attacked by a pig, I’ll have to remember to stab it instead of slashing.
frying pieces of pig skin
The fried bits were tasty, but they were a bit greasier than I would have wanted. I was hoping that they would puff up like pork rinds, but they ended up with the slightly chewy texture of pork cracklins.

If the distinction doesn’t seem clear to you, it’s probably because you haven’t spent that much time eating out of gas stations.
home fried pig skin strips

pork belly slider with maple glaze three little pigs
Food Frakker

Pork Pork Everywhere

It seems that all the cool kids are eating pork belly these days. I don’t want to brag, but I’ve been scarfing down the proverbial bacon-pork for years. But I’m going to be a good sport about this. If the rest of you have discovered the deliciousness of our friend the pig, that’s no skin off my nose and it can only lead to more succulent opportunities for the both of us. pork belly buns

Take a look at the pork belly buns I got from a food cart downtown. At the time I had this, at about eleven o’clock at night after a long day of biking around, this food was the best thing you could possibly imagine. I’m not sure if the cart is still there. It was in that empty parking lot at Colorado and 5th, just north of the warehouse district.

cold bacon

Szechuan cold bacon

I think I’ve talked before about A+A Szechuan, but I’m too lazy to figure out where right now. The last time I was there, I ordered off the cold menu, getting some gelatinous, soapy-bitter cubes of something drenched in hot Szechuan oil. Well, this time I learned my lesson and ordered cold slices of bacon drenched in spicy Szechuan oil. Yeah, it was porky awesome.
meat fluff

Meat fluff - Com say cha bong

Now for this next item, the meat fluff, or Com say cha bong, which I presume is mainly pork (although the ingredients merely designate the protein content as the non-confidence inducing non-specific term “meat fluff”), we’re going to have to close our eyes and have a group imagination exercise. Ready? Picture your mouth full of cotton candy. But it’s not the cotton candy you know. It’s cotton candy that isn’t sweet. It’s cotton candy made from the flesh of an animal and spiced with the flavors of Southeast Asia. If I were I carny this is what I would sell.
gourdoughs bacon donut

Gourdough's bacon donut

I know that you’ve been sitting down to breakfast and had trouble deciding between donuts or bacon. That’s foolish dude. Have both, and have them whenever you want. Gourdough’s donuts is one of those food carts that everyone talks about. I was ready to dismiss the idea of super-expensive gourmet donuts as a silly gimmick. But they have a couple of things going for them. One, they are served almost sizzling hot. Two, bacon, donuts and maple glaze really do seriously taste good together. One of these babies will do you and your date just fine. There’s no need to get a second helping of gummy-worm covered donuts, because that’s just a silly gimmick. Dismiss it!
worm donut gourdoughs

Gourdough's gummy worm donut

This brings us to the other trailer that everyone is talking about, Three Little Pigs, which is plopped down in the parking lot of a wine specialty shop just three scant blocks from the sketchiest neighborhood in town (where I used to live, it was pretty fun actually).
pork belly slider with maple glaze three little pigs

Three Little Pigs pork belly slider with maple glaze

I read the description of the maple-glazed pork belly slider in a free coffee shop zine that specialized in food cart topics. The author used words to describe the slider that I haven’t heard outside of porn. The other dish, which my food frakking deputy Julia chose, was a meatloaf filled with pork cracklins. It was served with fried kale and grits, which makes it traditional. Or at least traditional-ish.
pork cracklin meatloaf three pigs

Pork cracklin meatloaf Three Little Pigs

If the portions were just twice as large this would have been the greatest food experience of the year. When you’re talking about pork bellies and cracklins, you’re talking about food in the multiple-pound category. It should not be dainty. The belly should satisfy the belly.